for the storm to pass…
It’s about learning to dance in the rain.
~ Vivian Greene.
This quote resonates with me so much. It vibrates & speaks to my soul. For the past 29 years of my existence, yes, existence, not life, I have been waiting for the sunshine. It rained, no it actually poured & I was waiting, hoping, praying wishing away my reality, in hopes it would bring me closer to that happy ever after moment.
And then one day, it dawned on me: What are you waiting for, life is here, now, and tomorrow might never arrive. Do you want to remain in this time-bubble of someday, one day, maybe never?
See, I have been wishing away my pain: Chronic pain. Endometriosis Stage 4 and Thoracic outlet syndrome. I have had too many surgeries to mention. Too many tears and heartache to comprehend. I have felt like a dissected insect through all my IVF/ICSI cycles and frozen transfers. I thought chronic pain and loss took so much from me: Studies, jobs, friends, my childhood dream of becoming a Mom (the greatest desire of my heart), but it actually didn’t. It made me, it didn’t break me. Through heartache I found the courage to search for the authentic me. I found my voice, I found my strength. I found my compassion and empathy for myself and others. I became unashamed. I became a voice for rare illnesses, for women living in shame and isolation. And it has totally changed me.
I revel in my uniqueness. I am taking off my layers of hiding and trying to blend in. I now colour my world with my own paintbrush. My own rainbow. And I am proud when other women reach out to me and say: Thank you Anneeda, for being so strong. Thank you for listening, raising awareness and caring. I am free at last. I am me. More than a conqueror. I am more than my hair, my job, my car, my womb. I am more than a daughter and wife: I am the heartbeat of unspoken words, of unsung songs. I am the beginning of my own evolution.
And I am loving it!
I am Anneeda Pekeur
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